The CIA Has Decided NOT To Release Osama Bin Laden’s Porn Stash

That's a shame.

Tommy Gimlerby Tommy Gimler

Photo: JLGutierrez (Getty)

It sounds as though Brazzers wasn’t on this guy’s radar.

According to Newsweek, CIA Director Mike Pompeo said his agency will be releasing many of Osama Bin Laden’s documents recovered during the 2011 Navy Seal raid that resulted in the former Al-Qaeda leader’s death.

Some of the “documents” that won’t be released? You guessed it: Bin Laden’s porn collection.

The CIA Has Decided NOT To Release Osama Bin Laden’s Porn Stash

Screenshot: YouTube/NBC

Screenshot: YouTube/NBC

“There’s some pornography, there’s some copyrighted material,” Pompeo said. “Everything other than those items will be released in the weeks ahead.”

Another report from Reuters suggested that at least one thing about Bin Laden’s smut-viewing habits was clear, and that was the fact that he was watching his pornos on “modern electronically recorded video, or VHS.” Of course the major downside to using that kind of “technology” to jerk off is that everybody would know which scenes he watched the most because they would have eventually become grainy and damn near unwatchable over time.

Unfortunately, it seems as though the genre of skin flicks Bin Laden preferred will remain a mystery to the masses, although I could see “MILF sex in caves” being a 3-to-1 favorite if they offered betting lines in Vegas.

Conner4Real got real deep with this one: Andy Samberg Returns To ‘SNL’ With Sexy Song About F***ing Bin Laden (Obviously Very NSFW)