First impressions are everything, purely due to the fact that if you screw them up you probably won’t be afforded the opportunity for a second one. You might think it’s appropriate to spend a date bragging about your one-night stands, uncorking the wine with your teeth and blankly staring at her boobs whilst she’s telling you what she does for a living, but all that’s gonna earn you is a lonely cab ride home and an evening spent watching Grey's Anatomy reruns.
So how do you successfully portray a positive self-image? We’ve got a few tips to start you off on the long and charming road to recovery.
Maintain eye contact
This one is common knowledge, but it is also probably the most important. Holding a conversation whilst simultaneously gazing into your navel makes you seem weak and vulnerable. You’re not weak and vulnerable, are you? Of course not. You’re a man. You invented the wheel and the meatball sub, goddamit! Stare those bastards right in the eyes with your pair of baby blues and let them know who the boss of this conversation is!
Be Assertive, even if you’re Clueless
‘Blagging’, as it is more commonly known, is the art of strongly enforcing your ideas, right or wrong, in a charismatic way in order to cajole the ‘blagee’ around to your way of thinking. Absolutely essential for job interviews, the key is to take one of your miniscule achievements and make it seem much more important and time-consuming than it really was. That local charity event you showed up at for the free food? Just another case of you giving back to the community. Your prolific use of eBay? An example of your willingness to adapt in the current economic climate. You’ll be CEO in no time.
Be Subtle With Your Cologne
Most men mistake lathering themselves in their cologne of choice as a sure-fire way to earn the amorous attention of a member of the opposite sex. Not true; applying too much of a particular scent can make Black XS start to smell like Black Panther. Dab a touch behind your ears and a few sprays on your chest, and then wait for the inevitable shower of panties bestowed upon you by subtly seduced passersby.
Know who you’re talking to
Those who say “I am who I am, take me or leave me” are always the first to get voted off of reality shows, and for good reason; those who brag about having an unaccommodating personality are usually just downright assholes. In order to leave a good first impression you have to be likeable, and in order to be likeable you must understand that different people require different conversational methods; it’s illogical to greet a good-looking woman with a punch on the arm and a lengthy debate about the NFL draft, in the same way that it’s illogical to compliment your buddy on his choice of attire by stating that it brings out the colour of his eyes.
Don’t Overdo It
We all know our strengths and play to them accordingly. Whether we are the funny one, the handsome one, the wealthy one or the intelligent one, it’s only natural that we should showcase that one trait in order to get people to warm to us. However, there’s such a thing as being too intelligent, or too funny; no-one wants to be made to feel inferior, nor do they want to sit at the bar with a guy in a Federal Boob Inspector cap.
Smouldering Stares Do NOT Work
The bigger your grin the more likely a girl is to approach you. While Hollywood has always led us to believe that the less a guy smiles the ‘sexier’ he becomes, that’s really not the case; staring intently at a hot girl from across the room is more pervert than R-Patz, and even though girls seem to eat all that moody Twilight shit up, it really doesn’t work in reality.
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