This Week In Tweets – 5.13

Ashton Kutcher gets a new job, Tyler, The Creator eats human flesh and Khloe Kardashian competes with Godzilla.

Nash Herringtonby Nash Herrington


For a rapper who referenced the Columbine massacre and stated his desire to stab Bruno Mars within one hit song, it is quite possible that this is the most controversial thing Tyler, The Creator has ever said. @xfranchize certainly disapproved, replying with the witty retort of “fuck you go eat a dick”. Wait, he’s into cannibalism too?! Dam, Tyler sure does break down those boundaries.


Why is NY always targeted by the giant monsters? King Kong, the Cloverfield monster, and now this? Talk about bad luck.


He used to hide under my bed all the time as a kid, groaning to himself. Weird thing was he sounded an awful lot like my alcoholic step-dad.


I’ve never trusted Dannii Minogue. Her i’s are too close together. Ba-dum-bum-psh.


No. In fact, we shudder every time we think of her in a remotely sexual way.




Two and a half… oh God… oh God no… NO… NOOOOOOO!!!!!




Sticky? Disappointing? Concluded with a strong pang of regret?


Instead of humorously analysing your tweet, can I instead use this time to propose that we get married, Zooey? My contact details are at the top of this article, reply ASAP as I’ll need some time to buy the ring. Thanks.


Well I was just going to use a sock, but whatever.


What about a dog who makes a Facebook page for his humans? You can’t afford to be so closed-minded in today’s society, Paul.


And yet you still found time to Tweet. Such dedication and commitment to your fan base must be applauded.


(T)weets to (E)ducate (A)bsolute (M)orons


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