Mistakes Guys Make on the First Date

Aside from thinking that buying us women dinner is a fair trade for a night in our pants, men also make a few mistakes on this first-impression-audition-interview. 

Lane Cummings by Lane Cummings

1. You dudes dress like you think someone there is going to be photographing you for a national magazine. You shower, you wear cologne (some of you), you spend time on your hair, you wear your good shirt (the button down one, always the button down one, just once in my life I would like to go on a first date with a guy who does not wear a button down shirt). The overall look that you guys achieve is well, you look like you’re trying to impress us. And there’s nothing attractive about that. Women are attracted to men who roll up looking like they don’t give a f**k. There’s something so attractive about a guy who looks like he’s made zero effort to look good. It radiates self confidence.

Think of guys like Eminem, ANY firefighter, Dicaprio (ONLY when he was in The Departed) and the majority of men under 30 in Anchorage, Alaska. These are men who dress like men, they wear what’s clean, usually, and that’s the extent of prepping for a date. That oozes masculinity and it’s hot. Men like George Cloony, Pierce Brosnan and Johnny Depp resemble women. They're polished and stylized like princesses. I don’t want to feel like I’m sitting across from Sarah Jessica Parker when I dig into my grilled salmon.

2. Don’t even discuss the check.

I’m not saying pay for the meal. I’m saying OF COURSE you pay for the meal. The name of this article isn’t “Dating 101 Tips for Morons and Losers”. I’m banking on the fact that you, reader, aren’t dumber than dumb and are picking your nose and drooling while you read this. When the check comes, you have a golden opportunity to score some points in the land of slick. Have your card ready, slide it on the check presenter before your date has a chance to look at it or argue with you about splitting it. Which is another thing, no woman ever wants to split a bill with a dude. If you let her even lay down the tip, she’ll resent you for it. Why? Because it makes you look cheap, and who wants to date a cheap mo-fo?

3. Train yourself a few days before the date to not notice other women. Listen, this is the cherry on top that is going to make you seem like such a bloody winner, that she will gush and gush about you to all of her girlfriends. You don’t even know how serious I am. I am as serious as a cancer patient in a burning hospital. You may have a hot waitress, hostess, or bartender. They will smile at you, and perhaps giggle. A couple days before the date train yourself to simply not notice. Look at them and see John Malkovich. See that bald head. It'll pay off.

4.  Don’t ask her what kind of car she drives. Okay, I know this last one sounds a bit rand-o, but I just wanted to put it down here. I went on a date years ago with an a-hole who asked me what kind of car I drove. Yes, he was the douchiest guy I’ve ever gone out with, almost as bad as the date rape dude. (I was never date raped, just pretty close). AND I drive a Kia and there’s nothing wrong with that.