New Uses for Regular Things

One of the best parties I ever went to in my life there was a piece of bread on an accent table that everyone used as an ashtray. Just because. 

Lane Cummingsby Lane Cummings

And honestly, I really enjoyed that.

And you can really enjoy that too—the general experience, I mean, by breathing new life into ordinary objects. Let’s take a walk down the primrose path.

A brick of cheese makes a great paperweight. You can take nibbles from it during the day as you work at your desk. Just keep it out of direct sunlight and toss it out when it starts to stink. Or turn green.

A small child makes a good door stop. Ask a child to sit against the open door. Give the little fella a pillow to sit on so he doesn’t complain.

An antique steamer trunk makes a great coffin. Your great aunt Bessie always loved antiques and took great pride in her collection. Why not bury the old gal in one? Just press her knees to her chest and cover it all up with a nice quilt. She’d admire your resourcefulness.

A lampshade makes a good chip or popcorn bowl. Just line the bottom with tissue paper or paper towels and pour in the fun. I guarantee guests will congratulate you at your next party for your avant garde thinking or wonder if you’re nuttier than a shithouse rat.

A vase makes a good water bottle for on-the-go. Vases are decorative and often have water in them anyway. Just push the flowers out of the way when you take a sip.

Forget the wallet. Next time just use a clean sock to carry your cash and cards in. It will fit in your pocket just the same and give you a sense of almost living in a simple folk tale—before you know it, you’ll be carrying your belongings wrapped up in a kerchief hanging off of a stick just like a tramp out of Grimms Fairy Tales.

Bored at work? Bored at home? Get out a sharp knife and carve a hole in a bar of soap! Use it as a napkin ring. Make a bunch of them and use them at your next dinner party. Guests can take them home as a trinket!

A cat makes a good inspirational speaker. If the microphone is loud enough.