10 Cool “New” Phobias

Who knew being afraid could be this bizarre?

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

When it comes down to fear – there are the usual standards: Arachnophobia (fear of spiders), Agoraphobia (fear of social anxiety), Nomophobia (fear of being out of cell phone contact) -– all of these we know someone to have or have the phobia ourselves.

But with the world being what it is today with mass communication, political upheaval, natural disasters, and the general ebb and flow of society – psychologists have recently gotten together and discovered some new trends in the culture of fear.

Perhaps you are suffering from a phobia and you didn’t know it.

… Take a look, if you dare:


1. Schumacheraphobia – The irrational fear that Warner Bros. will give the Batman franchise back to Joel Schumacher (Batman & Robin) after Chris Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises.


2. Douchebagophobia – The irrational fear of turning into a douche bag. Symptoms include: fear of tight-fitting shirts, tanning, and Axe body spray.


3. Thisamericanlifeaphobia – The irrational fear of a five-act structure and people that talk at a snail’s-pace who constantly ask you for donations.


4. Canuckaphobia – The irrational fear of all things Canadian. Including snow, ice, hockey, the word, “aboot,” parliamentary procedure, and wearing a denim jacket and denim pants at the same time. Also, people who suffer from this phobia have been known to burst out screaming at just a glimpse of Jim Carrey.


5. Sookiophobia – The irrational fear that after watching just one episode of HBO’s “True Blood” you will turn you into an annoying, whiney redneck, who can’t act their way out of a paper bag.


6. Animeaphobia – The irrational fear that watching basic anime cartoons will get arrested for being a pedophile.


7. Twlightophobia – The irrational fear of sparkles and/or wearing a shirt.


8. Veganophobia – The irrational fear that you’ll react in violence when your pretentious vegan friends inevitably can’t stop talking about “what it means to be a vegan.”


9. Carlosmenciaophobia – The irrational fear of having someone else discover that you’re telling jokes that you stole from someone else. Also related: Danecookaphobia.


10. Sarahpalinophobia – The irrational fear of not being able to say a complete sentence without looking like a complete f-ing idiot.


Keep it tuned to Craveonline for more “new” phobias and great laughs.