10 More Cool “New” Phobias

Are you a scaredy-cat? Find out here!

Christian Krauspeby Christian Krauspe

The good folks from the “American Psychology Center for Fear and Paranoia Studies” contacted me after reading my last article on new phobias, (which you can read: here {http://www.craveonline.com/comedy/articles/171141-10-cool-new-phobias)} to let new know that my work regarding “new” phobias has been groundbreaking.


They asked that I continue to inform the public of the new waves of phobia’s sweeping the nation.


We all know someone with a unique fear. Maybe you have one yourself.


Do you have one of these 10 new ones? Check it out below:


1. Portmanophobia,: The irrational fear that after just one viewing of “The Black Swan,” you’ll pointlessly try to justify to yourself and others that Natalie Portman’s performance in “Thor” was watchable.


2. Thespianophobia: The irrational fear that being friends with actors will force you to see their awful autobiographical four-hour avant-garde performance pieces.


3. Iphoneaphobia: The irrational fear that purchasing an Iphone will turn you into one of those really annoying people who get their first Iphone and won’t shut the f&%k up about it.


4. Jasonstathamophobia: The irrational fear that action star, Jason Statham will have sex with your girlfriend.


5. Yankeefanaphobia: The irrational fear that Yankee’s fans will develop opposable thumbs and start using simple tools. Thereby building their man/ape army into a force to be reckoned with.


6. Footballhooliganophobia: The irrational fear that you will become your one friend who is way to into World Cup soccer, despite the fact that it’s about as exciting as watching paint dry.


7. Cannibaliphobia: The irrational fear that after eating a person, you will not be able to control your blood-lust, and you will have to begin hunting human prey for sustenance.


8. Sonicthehedgehodaphobia: The irrational fear that if you don’t collect enough gold rings, an insane scientist will kill all your animal friends.


9. Michaelbayphobia: The irrational fear that your life will become a series of explosions lacking story and originality — that you will appear orange in complexion, and constantly appear sweaty to others.


10. Barnes&noblephobia: The irrational fear that while you pretend to be looking for a genuine thought provoking book at Barnes&Noble, that you’ll just end up fetishizing the anime comics like you always do.