The Facebook status is the new window to the soul. And if you want to be “hip” and “now” there’s really only one thing you can do:
Have a status that makes your Facebook friends go “WTF?”
Here’s some helpful insights to what your friends are really trying to say…
Tammy (about an hour ago): Ugh… why do people gotta be like that?
What they’re really trying to say: You know who you are, Brenda! You stupid bitch! I hope you read this and you’re all like, “is she talking about me?” and I’m like, “you bet your f-cking ass I am!” and she’ll keep checking my status all the time – wondering if I’m really mad. Then, next weekend at the movies all be all nice and she’ll be like, “what’s going on?”
Todd (a few moments ago): I think she’s the one!
What they’re really trying to say: Blonde, funny,sooooo cute. I can’t wait until she graduates and then she can finally move out of her parent’s house and into my parent’s house! Then, and only then, can I show her what being eighteen is all about.
Rachel changed her relationship status to “It’s complicated” with Bill.
What they’re really trying to say: I can’t just dump him. I mean, it’s testicular cancer. Everyone will think I’m a bitch if I just dump him. This way I can screw around with whoever I want while his ball-sack rots away over time, and I can still look like I care.
Mike (17hours ago): Living the dream!
What they’re really saying: I have no job. I have no girlfriend. I have no cash, prospects, or reason to live… But goddamnit – I have a ticket to the WWE Royal Rumble.
Steve just checked-in at the Cassidy Wedding.
What they’re really trying to say: I got it. You want it. I don’t care if one of the bridesmaids has VD, or not – tonight is Steve’s night to shine!
Christy (two days ago): RIP MOM (1948-2010)
What they’re really saying: I think I have a urinary tract infection.
TJ (about an hour ago): No day but today!
What they’re really saying: So I’m quoting “RENT.” So what? So, sue me! Shit… Does my Dad have a Facebook account? Wait… No he doesn’t… Shit… Does he? I think he does! Delete!!! Delete!!!
Laura (5 hours ago): Video Killed the Radio Star.
What they’re really saying: I stabbed Ryan Seacrest.
Craig (two hours ago): It’s looking bright outside… finally.
What they’re really trying to say: I have a healthy hatred of Asian people.
Melissa just Checked-In at the Cassidy Wedding with Steve and 3 others.
What they’re really saying: Steve doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to wake up with Hepatitis of the “C” variety.
Keep it tuned to CraveOnline for more Decoding the Facebook!