Know Your Food Fountains

Water's lame. Here are 9 fountains you can stuff yourself with.

Geoffrey Goldenby Geoffrey Golden

The hallmark of a fancy party is some kind of crazy food fountain. However, you don’t want to be the one guy there who’s like, “I’ve never seen one of those before,” while all the 1 percenters roll their eyes because they're a bunch of diiiiiiicks. Here’s a guide to some of the delicious, though certainly not nutritious fountains out there:


Barbecue Sauce Fountain

If we’re at a party, and they have this thing, you'll know where to find me. [via]


Punch Fountain

Doubles as a “blood fountain” for Halloween parties. [via]


Chocolate Fountain

Classier than the Chocolate Hose they have at Friendly’s. [via]


Strawberry Fountain

What better way to say “I love you” than with the gift of a fountain? [via]


Cheese Fountain

This is ‘nacho’ average fountain. *Ba dum bum* [via]


Ketchup Fountain

You can only find this in Ronald’s McMansion. [via]


Cider Fountain

They tried making an apple sauce fountain, but the results were disastrous. [via]


Sweet Chili Garlic Sauce Fountain

Sure, that’s a thing. [via]


Ranch Fountain

Grab a straw and get super fat, everybody! [via]


Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator, “The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans,” in comic book stores across the country. Header via.