Do you ever get that feeling in your stomach like you just really need food, but you just don't have the gumption to go out and find some? This phenomenon, also know as hunger, is met with sedentary tendencies. What would our lives be like if our basic human needs were optional? I feel as if this is a subject that we have all entertained in our thoughts, at least once. Well, why don't we just take a minute to digest a few of these possibilities. Shall we?
Suck it, Baloo! We don't need your Bear Necessities! Pshhh… Childhood lessons.
All food would be the equivalent to eating a truffle encrusted steak fudge sundae. You don't need it, but every once in a while you indulge in the decadence. This would also cause really simple foods, like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or mac and cheese to become incendiary gourmet entities. And let me tell you, I would kill to live in world where mac and cheese were gourmet. I could be the BAREFOOT CONTESSA!
Now, I know what you must be thinking: “But, Marisha! If we lived in a world where we didn't need food, then that would put millions out of work.” Yeah…. well, in this world, the economy is good enough to where there are plenty of jobs to go around for those out of work farmers. HA! I know, funny , right? But humor me. Without the need of food, this would also solve our world hunger problem. Not to mention the fact, that it would save us all a ton of money. Do you know how much I spend on Slurpee's each week!? With that being said, I wonder if food could potentially become an abused substance…
Wife: “Carl! Your Triscuit and Cheese Whiz addiction is tearing this family apart! It has to stop, or else I am taking the kids, and I am leaving you!”
First off, if we didn't have to sleep each night, think of how much more stuff we would get done, not only as individuals, but as a human race. If I didn't sleep, I would probably own a nice big house and have 3 college degrees by now. But alas, here I am writing this article for your fleeting entertainment purposes.
In my idea of a Sleepless in Seattle world, mattress stores would just be converted to “Sleep Spas”. After a stressful day of work, you are feeling a bit bottled up. On the way home, you spot a billboard over a high tech Starbucks. It is an image of a beautiful, half cyborg half Botox model sleeping on a luxurious Serta mattress covered in rose petals. The caption under the image reads, “Do androids dream of electric sheep?” You decide to allow yourself to revel in this enlightening experience, not dissimilar to hypnotherapy or peyoti. There are many couples there having an amazing bonding experience. They say it really “Strengthens their relationship.” Also, there are Tarot card readers in the corner… not for use, just for decoration.
Yes! That is an original Ms. Cloe! I got her for $5.99 a minute!
Water drinking contests would be way cooler, and potentially less deadly… ya know, like that woman who killed herself by drinking to much water in that radio contest to win a Wii. We would also have to be less concerned about the diseases that like to camp out in most of the worlds water supply. I don't think anyone would be concerned about the extinction of dysentery… except for maybe Rihanna with her hit single “Dysenteria”… oh wait, that song was entitled “Disturbia”. Nevermind.
For those of us who live in LA; goodbye to the constant news reports of being in a “water shortage”. Further more, the mixed alcoholic beverage called an “LA Water” would have tenfold the amount of novelty than it already does. Not that Los Angelians drink the tap water anyways. Hell, we don't even give that shit to our chihuahuas. #steryoptypes #That'sRightIJustUsedA#InAnArticle #It'sMyFirstBeGentle
Now, once again, I know what you must be thinking: “But Marisha! Sex is already a lot of people's hobby!” I know. And if you are thinking that, then I am sure you are talking about yourself. Hear me out.
What if it wasn't as easy to get pregnant, and we didn't have to take as many precautions to prevent it. Sure, STD's would be running even more rampant than they already are. But let's face it, the truly terrible sexual repercussion… is a fetus.
You could still reproduce, but having a baby would be much more controlled, and on your own time. Kind of like Gattaca, minus Uma Thurman (thank God!) This could fix the overpopulation problem much of the world is dealing with. Not to mention the fact that we would no longer have to tolerate shows like “Sixteen and Pregnant”. In fact, I imagine they would do away with the Lifetime channel all together (yet again, thank God!)
Don't lie! You know you want to do the "Jon Benet" to every single one of those Toddlers anyway!
Also, women wouldn't have to hear the “But condoms just don't feel good” line anymore. Although, this would mean I would loose that bet on how many times I hear that phrase in a week… I mean… What?
I am sure there are more necessities that would be better as hobbies. These are just my favorite ones to day dream about. If you think of any more, let me know! I hope this at least got you thinking. If not, then… just go buy a mattress and some condoms…. maybe a papaya. Support local farmers!!