The best way to motivate your under-paid, over-worked drones is to make them watch a cheesy video with terrible acting. There's no sharper logic than corporate logic of the 80s and 90s, when most of the videos below were created. Watching them will teach you the most important skills in life, like rapping about grilling burgers, cleaning the face of Chuck E. Cheese and how to condescend to teenagers:
You need to help if you’re talking to an imaginary asshole screen guy.
Chuck E. Cheese
It’s time to Chuck E-cise, you lazy, good-for-nothing teen!
The greatest gift is the smile you give… when you no longer have to work at McDonalds.
YES! Someone talked to me at an Albertson’s!
Yeah, lady. You can bring some pie around later – if you know what I mean! Har har har! I’m talking about sex.
Does the time spent stuck in a universe of shitty CG graphics come out of my vacation?
Now THAT’S good rapper music!
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator, “The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans,” in comic book stores across the country.