Certain things are just facts. Horror is still as popular as ever. Thats a fact (despite what Hollywood Reporter has been saying.) American consumer culture is as rife for satire as it was when George A. Romero made Dawn of the Dead in 1978. That's a fact. So now we're getting a remake of Jim Wynorski's Chopping Mall, a film about killer security robots terrorizing four hot young couples in a shopping center. One last fact: Hollywood is officially scraping the bottom of that remake barrel.
Seriously, the whole reason why you remake a film is because audiences have some familiarity with the original. Who here has actually seen Chopping Mall? Raise your hands, or at least post in the comments section. We imagine not too many people overall, but hey, maybe we could be proven wrong. The one exception is when the original has such a good story that remaking it is a good idea regardless, but then again, producer/director Robert Hall isn't even keeping that intact.
Variety reports that Hall's Dry County Films (which also produced the somewhat popular Laid to Rest series) has acquired the remake rights to Chopping Mall, but won't be terribly faithful to the original. We'd declare sacrilege, but let's not be disinegenuous. The original film, which once again was about killer robots (the original title of the film was actually Killbots) will, according to Hall, "retain the basic concept of young people trapped in a mall; however, the story will have a darker, supernatural spin."
Which distinctly implies a lack of killbots. We are displeased. What's the point, exactly? It's not like Chopping Mall is a particularly significant cult classic, although obviously it has its fans.
For those who haven't seen the original (be honest), we present the original trailer in all its "glory."
What's the matter, Hollywood? Was Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama too "high concept" for you?
CraveOnline will be back with more Chopping Mall news if we survive Black Friday.